Drive less, drink more, and fuck Exxon
Chicago Sun-Times
Speaking of gas prices:
If gas prices are driving you to drink, here's the place to go: the Handlebar, 2311 W. North.
Under its Inverse Petrol-O-Matic Beer Pricing Scheme, beer prices will fall as gas prices rise.
So with gas at $3, a pint of Goose Island 312 ale is also $3. When gas hits $4, the beer's $2. Five-dollar gas gets you beer for a buck and if gas hits $6 the beer's free.
Speaking of gas prices:
Oil companies came under new fire yesterday when it emerged that ExxonMobil's profits are likely to soar above $10 billion this quarter on the back of the fuel crisis.
That's $110 million a day, and more net income than any company has ever made in a quarter. It's also a stunning 69 percent increase over the same period a year ago and a 34 percent jump from the $7.6 billion Exxon made just last quarter.
"Do you realize President Bush has just given a tax break to ExxonMobil?'' thundered Rep. Ed Markey (D-Malden). "Of all the companies in the history of the world that needed a tax break, this month, ExxonMobil should be at the bottom of the list.''
The law gives incentives to producers such as Exxon to expand production, such as for drilling for new wells in deeper waters in the Gulf of Mexico.
Even oil company shareholders were critical. Hub fund manager Lee Forker, the head of New England Research & Management, said the profits reflected a failure of oil companies' leadership to invest in future production. "They're maximizing present cashflows and ignoring the future,'' he said.
ExxonMobil is spending about $5 billion a quarter buying back its own shares.
Forker says the oil companies bear responsibility for recent shortages, because they have held back on investment in new production for years due to a fear of a price collapse. ``It could just be a big scam – `Let's just restrict the supply along with the OPEC countries and we'll all get rich together' '' he said.
